Interview of a classmate
The person I interviewed was Paola Barajas. Paola is 19 years old and this is her second semester at Oxnard College. Paola was born in Los Angeles California. She is the oldest of three children and has a younger sister and brother. Paola went to Oxnard high school, and attends Oxnard College because she lives just across the street with her parents. Paola is an adventurous, understand and determined young lady. She goes to college full time and works part time at Wienerschnitzel. Paola’s role model is her father. Paola is enjoying the freedom that she gets from attending college. She likes to be the one to decide when and if she goes to class.
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Spencer and I
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
My first essay
The day I finally decided to leave my abusive husband.
March 10th 2001 was a normal day for me. It was around 9am and I was on my way home from work and was planning on doing some cleaning before I went to pick the kids up from daycare. It was a warm and sunny day and I had spent the earlier part of my morning at work and was just ready to get home. When I pulled into the driveway everything seemed normal so I opened the garage and parked my van inside. I had just bought a van, it was an older van and nothing special but to me it was like heaven. I had three kids under the age of five and a van was exactly what I had needed. The week before I had a new stereo put in the van and I was very excited about that because I love music and my kids and I love to sing in the car.
I went into the house and sat my purse and keys on the kitchen counter and began doing dishes. I turned the radio on as I usually do when I am cleaning the house and got to work, on days of overdue cleaning. Within about ten minutes the radio shut off, I went to inspect and realized my power was out. I tried the phone and it was out too. I went into the garage to smoke a cigarette; I smoked in the garage because I never smoked in the house and had recently moved into this new house to get away from my abusive husband. I tried to avoid hanging around outside of the house because we lived in a small town about 90,000 people and everyone talked so I knew my chances of him finding me were more likely if I smoked outside.
While in the garage I heard the side door knob turning, it was locked and found it odd that someone was messing with my garage door in the middle of the day. I stayed quiet and hid on the side of my van away from the door. I did not try to get in the house because the door leading into the house was right next to the door leading out of the garage and I was afraid whoever was at that door would open it as I went by it. Within about two minutes the door was opened and it was my husband, he smelled the smoke and knew I was in the garage so yelled for me to come out of hiding and I did. I never tried to run from him because he was 5’9 pure muscle and the star running back from our high school (where we met) and a state track champion. I knew I could never outrun him and it would have probably been worse for me if I had tried. He walked up to me and said he loved me, I said “I don’t care I do not love you anymore you need to leave” and that was it for him. He grabbed me by my hair and began to drag me across the garage up the two stairs and into my house.
He knew where he was going which only lead me to believe he had been in my house before most likely while I was at work. He drug me down the long hallway past all three bedrooms and into the kitchen where he proceeded to tell me he had cut all the power and phone lines to my house so I could not call for help and if I screamed nobody would hear me anyways. He continued with his ramblings of how much he loved me and that he had told me before that I could never leave him alive and that he would kill me first. He then asked me why I wouldn’t just stay with him so we could be a family. I explained that I was not in love with him anymore and that the years of abuse had finally taken its toll on me. He started talking about my new van which was totally off the subject and at that point I knew he was on something.
Throughout our relationship he had sold crack and I had long suspected he used but now was seeing it was true. He went on about how he heard that I had a new stereo put in my van and that I probably would listen to my country music in it and he would not be able to listen to his music. I told him he would never ride in my van so it didn’t matter and he slapped me as hard as he could across the right side of my face, breaking all the blood vessels in my right eye and even some in my left eye. He then proceeded to drag me back down the long hallway by my hair and to my bedroom. He threw me on the bed and accused me of sleeping with other men in that bed when he said it should have been him. He then began to attempt to rape me.
Normally I wouldn’t cry because I had too much pride to give him that satisfaction but I was in so much pain I could not hold back the tears. He started to pull my shirt off and I asked him why if he loved me so much would he treat me this way and want to cause me so much pain? He responded by saying that he did love me and that he wanted to make love to me. I told him when I am crying and saying no that it is rape, not making love and for some strange reason he actually stopped. He got up just sat at the end of my bed listening to me sob. Usually when something like this would happen, I would yell at him saying he was crazy and that I did not love him, even sometimes saying there was someone else even though there never really was. I was just trying to upset him and he would beat me, then apologize and run out the door knowing the cops would soon be on their way. This time was different I could tell by the look in his eyes he wasn’t just going to leave he had bigger plans. I had to stay calm and think my way out of this. I tried to reason with him. I explained how for years he had been cheating on me and abusing me and stalking me and when
you really love someone that is not how you treat them. I told him I was hurt by the fact that he could do that to someone who was the mother of his children and how I never had a fighting chance
based on his strength.
He thought about it for a minute then he looked up at me and said then why don’t you have someone beat my ass. I said you don’t understand it is different when the person you loved and married and had children with puts their hands on you, it is nothing like having a stranger do it. He looked up again and said okay then you hit me and show me what it feels like. At this point I knew that there was no reasoning with someone like him but I had to get out of this situation before he ended up killing me. I said to him I won’t do it because you will just hit me back, so how can I be sure you won’t hit me? He didn’t respond so I said, I could tie your hands up first so that I know you can’t hit me back and he nodded and said okay that is a good idea. I had another set of keys to my van on my dresser and I knew if I could just keep him tied up long enough I could get out of the house before him.
I had him sit in a chair as far away from the door as possible and used a neck tie to tie his hands behind his back. He sat compliant the entire time, I then said I really have to use the bathroom and I walked towards the bathroom grabbing my keys on the way. He was facing away from the bathroom so he did not see me leave the room, however I am sure he heard the door to the garage slam shut behind me. I ran to the garage door and opened it manually because my power lines were cut and jumped in the van as quickly as possible. As I was backing out of the garage he came running into the garage after me. I drove off as quickly as possible and began driving to a friend’s house to call the police. When I got to my friend’s house they saw my face all swollen and the blood vessels broken in my eyes so they took me to the hospital, the cops met us there. The doctors were amazed at how much damage had been done from just one open hand hit to the face. They insisted on doing a CAT scan to check for brain damage. While I was at the hospital the cops were at my house trying to see if he was still there. He was gone by the time they got there and they issued a warrant for his arrest. He already had 6 warrants pending for prior abuse; the cops had been unsuccessful at catching him for years. He would run from them, hop fences and by the time they got the dogs or helicopters to the area he was nowhere to be found. I knew they would not catch him this time either.
The CAT scan showed that there was no brain damage and I was told I could go. I was too afraid to go home and I certainly was not planning on taking my kids there. I had been with this man for over five years and I knew he would be back and most likely soon. He was not afraid of the cops because he knew he could outrun them even if they were an arm’s reach away which he had proven numerous times before. I also knew that he probably had my keys to the house and the van because they were in the kitchen and I had taken a spare set to get away. I was told that it could take a few days to get the power and phone back on in my house because he had actually cut the wires not just unhooked them. I knew that I had to go home to pack stuff for myself and for my kids so that we could stay somewhere for a few days. I asked a friend of mine to go with me and bring her boyfriend. Her boyfriend looked like a biker and had a long beard; he was about 6’2 and 350 pounds so I figured he might scare my husband away if he had decided to come back.
When we got to my house it was thrashed, my husband had gone through the place just throwing everything around. My friend and her boyfriend stayed for about thirty minutes but they had started arguing so I just told them I would be fine and they went home. Within minutes my husband was back, he was crying and telling me that he was sorry and he left earlier and went to a marriage counselor to try to get help and said he had a receipt to prove it. He asked me to go with him to another appointment he had set up for the both of us that same day at 4:30pm and it was 4:00pm already. I knew I had to use my brain again to outsmart him and more importantly I had to deliver him to the police because it would never end otherwise.
Trying to talk him into turning himself in was out of the questions so I came up with another plan. Luckily for me my husband was not real smart and I don’t mean that in a rude way, he really was below average in the intelligence area. I told him that I didn’t believe he went to a marriage counselor and asked for the proof. He pulled two cards out of his pocket along with a receipt for $30 for a therapy session. One of the cards was a business card for the therapist he saw and the other was an appointment card for our session that he scheduled for that day. He kept saying he loved me and that we could save our marriage, that he had talked to this guy and there was hope for us. He kept saying I know that you still love me. I said to him, I don’t know if it will help but I will go and then I told him to get in the van and we drove to the address on the business card. We parked the van and went into the lobby to check in and sat down waiting for our names to be called. Those ten minutes felt like hours. The woman behind the desk said the therapist was ready to see us and we both stood up, I turned to my husband and said I want to talk to him alone first. I was praying he would not catch on to my plan. He nodded and said that’s fine. I walked down the hall to the man’s office, thinking at any moment my husband would realize what I was doing and come up behind me.
I went into the office and shut the door. The man introduced himself and asked me to have a seat. I looked at him in disbelief and told him to call 911. He seemed confused, so I asked him if he had met with my husband earlier and asked if my husband had explained that day’s events to him and he said yes. I was furious, I said what kind of person listens to a man explain how he beat his wife and then encourages him to bring her in for a therapy session. I walked to his desk grabbed the phone and said do I push 9 to get an outside line? He looked at me in disbelief and just nodded his head. I then dialed 911. I explained who I was and where I was and that my husband was in the lobby. Within three minutes I heard helicopters and my husband running down the hall past the office I was in while the cops were yelling his name and telling him to stop.
I waited in the office for a few minutes afraid to come out right away and proceeded to yell at the therapist. I told him that my husband had beat me, held me hostage and had told him all of that and instead of calling the police he had the audacity to schedule us an appointment. I then went on to explain that my husband had numerous warrants for the abuse. He apologized and I left his office to speak with the police officers. My husband was still running and they had dogs and helicopters on him, I sat with the police until I received the confirmation that he had finally been caught. The dogs had chased him into the Sacramento River and he cannot swim so he surrendered. The next few months were filled with court hearings and meetings with the district attorney’s office and finally his sentencing. He was sentenced to eight years in prison for the assault, cutting of the wires and holding me hostage and the judge issued a ten year stay away order so that he could not come around me or my children. In court he kept turning to me and saying I love you and that he was sorry. I asked my job to relocate me to southern California where I knew no one and moved here to start over. I am now happily married to a good man, for years I never thought they existed and I am finally really happy. It took me almost 6 years to leave my ex-husband but after that day even though it was only one of the numerous times he had abused me and not even the worst. I somehow had the courage to leave for good.
Friday, February 4, 2011
People and texting today…
People and texting today…
I have decided to write about texting and driving. Almost everybody does it or has done it at some point even if they are ashamed to admit it. I do not think that people really understand the consequences of such a simple everyday thing. When we hear our phone go off there is this urgency for most people to read what was sent to them or answer it, after all it could be an emergency right? However if you answer that call or text, you might be the one in the emergency. How important is your life? How important is the life of the family in the car in front of you? Maybe there is a newborn in that minivan in front of you or a pregnant woman. Is that text so important that their lives don’t really matter? It is a fact that texting while driving kills. If you don’t believe it then ask the people who can’t talk to their kids or loved ones any longer because someone had to answer that text. What is so important that it can’t wait until you get to your destination? The answer is simple, nothing is that important and if you think it is then pull your car over, be responsible and respond to the text with your car in park. Don’t do it while driving it is just NOT worth it.
I have decided to write about texting and driving. Almost everybody does it or has done it at some point even if they are ashamed to admit it. I do not think that people really understand the consequences of such a simple everyday thing. When we hear our phone go off there is this urgency for most people to read what was sent to them or answer it, after all it could be an emergency right? However if you answer that call or text, you might be the one in the emergency. How important is your life? How important is the life of the family in the car in front of you? Maybe there is a newborn in that minivan in front of you or a pregnant woman. Is that text so important that their lives don’t really matter? It is a fact that texting while driving kills. If you don’t believe it then ask the people who can’t talk to their kids or loved ones any longer because someone had to answer that text. What is so important that it can’t wait until you get to your destination? The answer is simple, nothing is that important and if you think it is then pull your car over, be responsible and respond to the text with your car in park. Don’t do it while driving it is just NOT worth it.
Reality television….
Reality television….
My opinion on reality television shows would be they are for the most part ridiculous. I am in my thirties and I guess that stuff just does not interest me as much as others. I can see the appeal to teens because my children come home talking about these shows after school (I do not let them watch them). I think some of the most disturbing stuff I see is this jersey shore show. How can watching people hook up with anything that walks or talks be entertainment and getting drunk and being inappropriate in public be seen as entertainment? I just don’t see this as being a good show for kids to watch and I would never waste my time. Reality shows can vary from one extreme to the other as well. You have for instance the next great baker show, which I do watch; it is about a group of people competing to become the next great baker. This show is not inappropriate nor does it teach negativity and promote illegal behaviors. I think some of these shows are targeting the younger audience and know that they would rather watch people partying maybe because they can relate due to their age? I just don’t really understand it. I think if it is a show where you can actually learn something then it can be beneficial, if it is just fighting and screaming and drinking then it’s not worth putting on television.
I do believe that it has an effect on our society today. I know for my children personally they see these shows and think this is normal and fun and because it is so popular right now they are under the impression that it is a cool thing to be doing. I turned the television on the other day and Jersey shore was on the screen, it was taking me a few minutes to get my remotes together so that I could get the television to my previously recorded shows that I watch, my daughters were standing by my door and were watching this show. On the screen “snookie” was drunk on the beach and was falling all over the place until she finally was arrested for being drunk in public and taken in a police car to the police station. My daughters ages 13 and 15 were laughing hysterically. Then my 13 year old made the comment about how funny this show is and that all her friends watch it and talk about it at school. She is only 13 years old, what are kids her age doing watching something like that? So my personal conclusion would be yes, these reality television shows do affect our society today and depending on which reality show you are watching it can be a very negative impact or a positive impact. Unfortunately we cannot control what the networks put on the television but as in my own home and in yours, we can control what comes onto our personal televisions and what our children watch.
My opinion on reality television shows would be they are for the most part ridiculous. I am in my thirties and I guess that stuff just does not interest me as much as others. I can see the appeal to teens because my children come home talking about these shows after school (I do not let them watch them). I think some of the most disturbing stuff I see is this jersey shore show. How can watching people hook up with anything that walks or talks be entertainment and getting drunk and being inappropriate in public be seen as entertainment? I just don’t see this as being a good show for kids to watch and I would never waste my time. Reality shows can vary from one extreme to the other as well. You have for instance the next great baker show, which I do watch; it is about a group of people competing to become the next great baker. This show is not inappropriate nor does it teach negativity and promote illegal behaviors. I think some of these shows are targeting the younger audience and know that they would rather watch people partying maybe because they can relate due to their age? I just don’t really understand it. I think if it is a show where you can actually learn something then it can be beneficial, if it is just fighting and screaming and drinking then it’s not worth putting on television.
I do believe that it has an effect on our society today. I know for my children personally they see these shows and think this is normal and fun and because it is so popular right now they are under the impression that it is a cool thing to be doing. I turned the television on the other day and Jersey shore was on the screen, it was taking me a few minutes to get my remotes together so that I could get the television to my previously recorded shows that I watch, my daughters were standing by my door and were watching this show. On the screen “snookie” was drunk on the beach and was falling all over the place until she finally was arrested for being drunk in public and taken in a police car to the police station. My daughters ages 13 and 15 were laughing hysterically. Then my 13 year old made the comment about how funny this show is and that all her friends watch it and talk about it at school. She is only 13 years old, what are kids her age doing watching something like that? So my personal conclusion would be yes, these reality television shows do affect our society today and depending on which reality show you are watching it can be a very negative impact or a positive impact. Unfortunately we cannot control what the networks put on the television but as in my own home and in yours, we can control what comes onto our personal televisions and what our children watch.
Fast food
My history with fast food started at the age of about two years old. I grew up with both parents working and we ate out most evenings, usually at fast food places. When I was younger we would go to restaurants more often and sit down together to eat, as I got older probably about the sixth grade I started going myself and with friends to fast food places to hang out and socialize. Living in a small town even on the weekends we would all drive to a fast food place and hang out together. We went to McDonald’s the most often and the other places we went were to taco bell, Burger King and Wendy’s. My mother did not cook often and I found myself as a teenager even looking for open fast food places on holiday’s which (not an easy task). I think I ate at McDonald’s about every day. I would usually eat a double cheeseburger with extra onions and a large fry and a coke. I never really thought about how I felt at the time, but thinking back I think I felt fulfilled and happy at that time.
My fast food habits now are very different from when I was growing up. Not too long ago they were still quite similar. I found myself even as an educated adult still eating out every day. I took my kids through the drive thru because it was easier and often less expensive than actually cooking meals at home. I was the one eating out most often; I ate at fast food restaurants every single day at least once a day sometimes twice. I frequented Burger King and McDonald’s the most. In 2009 I had gastric bypass due to my size, afterwards I was forced to eat healthier. I began cooking meals at home making sure we were eating baked not friend and got into a great routine. I am actually embarrassed to say this but as of the past few weeks I have found myself heading back to fast food places, since I have started going back to school it seems to be convenient to run through the drive thru once in a while and grab a quick snack. I know how unhealthy it is to eat at these places and not just because of my weight gain prior to the surgery, because we have all seen the studies on fast food restaurants and how unhealthy they are for you to eat at yet it just feels like they suck you in anyways. I feel like if I get something grilled or don’t drink a soda it’s not as bad, the problem is unless you are the one cooking the food you do not really know what is in it. I think that the fast food industry is huge and unfortunately most people in our society see it the way I always did, it’s cheaper and easier and so we keep going to that drive thru and putting that food into our bodies and our children’s bodies and we probably will continue even as sad as that sounds.
My fast food habits now are very different from when I was growing up. Not too long ago they were still quite similar. I found myself even as an educated adult still eating out every day. I took my kids through the drive thru because it was easier and often less expensive than actually cooking meals at home. I was the one eating out most often; I ate at fast food restaurants every single day at least once a day sometimes twice. I frequented Burger King and McDonald’s the most. In 2009 I had gastric bypass due to my size, afterwards I was forced to eat healthier. I began cooking meals at home making sure we were eating baked not friend and got into a great routine. I am actually embarrassed to say this but as of the past few weeks I have found myself heading back to fast food places, since I have started going back to school it seems to be convenient to run through the drive thru once in a while and grab a quick snack. I know how unhealthy it is to eat at these places and not just because of my weight gain prior to the surgery, because we have all seen the studies on fast food restaurants and how unhealthy they are for you to eat at yet it just feels like they suck you in anyways. I feel like if I get something grilled or don’t drink a soda it’s not as bad, the problem is unless you are the one cooking the food you do not really know what is in it. I think that the fast food industry is huge and unfortunately most people in our society see it the way I always did, it’s cheaper and easier and so we keep going to that drive thru and putting that food into our bodies and our children’s bodies and we probably will continue even as sad as that sounds.
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